We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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