i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Boobs are out for the taking
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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