he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
