Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The ass gains better be worth it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
