I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
