So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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