i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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