Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
