So drunk its hurt
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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