To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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