I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
