my vag is so smooth its legendary
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
