well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
