the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
then he tried to convert me to islam
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
