How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
