you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
