I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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