I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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