4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
