One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
