I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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