She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
