YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
