Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize