Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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