We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I will be naked everywhere
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
