she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
