I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
