He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
