After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
