when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize