how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
