Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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