hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
