to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize