I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
organizing the empties. That sober.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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