And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
