That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
