Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
