you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
