we have pet lesbian snakes
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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