Please, let me fuck your mom
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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