you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
