Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
