vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
