respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
