I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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