Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
