we have officially lost it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
