he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
