my sisters under your porch take her home
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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