Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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