Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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