so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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