It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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