he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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