the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
