I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize